I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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