Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
