Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You were trust falling into bushes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
