Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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