We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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