someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i barfeds in our rink
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
