How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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