I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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