a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
