i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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