Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
