nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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