I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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