I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize