i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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