I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
