Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im part way to drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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