Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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