What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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