I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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