Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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