I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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