i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Shame - the story of my life.
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