we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
