I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
