yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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