the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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