I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
