I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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