I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
