Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
