I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
