i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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