i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
