what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
