best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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