we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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