I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
