uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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