I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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