it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
