In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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