I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
