ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
