LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
