I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
