You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
