i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
