Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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