well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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