I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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