The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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