went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
