five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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