my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You are a genius and a whore.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
