As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
