I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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