sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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