Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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