After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize