i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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