also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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