I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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