my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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