Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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