i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
