he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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