apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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