you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
