Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
