ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My penis needs a shock collar
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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