in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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