Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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