She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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