So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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