im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
