Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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