when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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