Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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