The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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